Thread: Relationship with amphetamine addict?

I met this girl online about a year and a half ago through one of those dating sites, and, after making sure she was an ok person, we met for dinner one night.

I had mentioned to her ahead of time that I wasn't necessarily interested in dating at the time, but just meeting new people, and she said she was ok with that.
She wanted to see me again, and I said I'd be glad to hang out but I wasn't really interested in dating her.

However, we saw each other a couple more times and things ended up getting kind of romantic.

Then it became apparent that she was addicted to a prescription version of dexamphetamine called "Vyvanse", that she was taking all the time, and often exceeding the dose. She insists she needs it to stay motivated, or else she just can't get herself out of bed in the morning and accomplish day-to-day tasks. Not only that, but she's letting her life totally spiral out of control. She has a B.S. in Biology, but keeps getting low-paying, unfulfilling jobs because most biology-related jobs seem to require an advanced, specialized degree and she doesn't know how to find a better one with her Bachelor of Science, and she just keeps having trouble with the jobs she does get. She regularly shows up to work late, says stuff like "Oh, they won't mind, they have a 5-minute grace period", and has gotten fired or quit her jobs about three times since I met her.

Now she's out of work again, her parents are barely on speaking terms with her, she took a week-long drug therapy program just to make them lighten up (with no intention of stopping) and says she "wants to reduce the dosage", but she can't. The stuff is highly habit forming, can cause a tolerance so you feel like you need more, and impairs your judgement so you just do it even if you should logically know better. She takes too much sometimes, goes around clutching her heart at times, and believes it is causing her to have problems with her teeth, bones, cardiovascular system, etc., but she says she can't stop using it because it fills a void in her life.

She also says that about me.

She's a nice girl, and very smart, and I care about her, but I can't deal with this. She won't listen to me telling her to stop and/or get behavioral therapy. She called me up last night gasping for air and saying she had numbness and a racing heart beat, which she blamed on taking the recommended dose of Vyvanse with some Red Bull. Those are symptoms of overdose, but she insists she only took the recommended dose. Since she's studied biology, she keeps trying to self-diagnose herself and saying she thinks such and such electrolyte might be out of balance or silly things like "Maybe if I take so and so vitamin it will help flush it out of my system". I told her she was lucky she survived; this drug is known to occasionally cause sudden death by heart attack, even in healthy people.

I can't be in this kind of relationship, but she says she's in love with me and would be better off dead than being without me, which is not fair. She says that if we were dating she would have more motivation to get clean, but I can't fall for a line like that. I don't want to get be a serious relationship with someone who is like this, who won't listen to me when I try to tell her to take her to take control of her life. She knows this, as I've told her so. She wants to use me as a crutch, and its making me feel really bad. I do care about her and wish that she would take care of herself, I don't want to enable her addiction either, and I don't want to be in this kind of relationship.

How do I get her to take the necessary steps to get her life back on track, without giving in to her attempts to get us into an interdependent relationship? Because as much as I want us to be on friendly terms, I'm pretty sure I would be miserable dating her, and I want her to take control of her life and stop destroying herself.

In case you're unfamiliar with this particular drug, here is a list of the side-effects (which include psychosis and sudden cardiac death, among other things):
http://www.vyvansesideeffects.com/
She's already been to Narcotics Anonymous-style group meetings. She said she was mainly doing it because her parents told her she had to. The doctor there also put her on Wellbutrin because she said she was depressed without the Vyvanse, and she said the Wellbutrin made her feel weird.

I keep telling her that ideally she should find some kind of drug-free live-in rehabilitation program that will train her how to be happy and function without drugs, or, if drugs have to be involved, at least find a similar program at a more reputable treatment center.
The program she did before was a week-long outpatient program involving about 8 hours of group therapy and various assignments and programs throughout the day, then homework and recommended AA meetings at night. She was off the Vyvanse for the second day through most of the week, but took some on the last day.
Just to clarify, it was about 8 hours a day for one week, not 8 hours a week.

This relationship isn't working so dump her. You are not responsible for her or her behaviour.

Run as fast as you can.

You can not help her. No one can. It's up to her.

If she decides to get help, tell her you will be there for her if she needs you.

If you stay, your life will be on the same downward spiral as hers is.

Good luck.

well one thing you can do if you care about here is find out the local narcotics anominous meeting and take her there tell her if she like you to stay around she'd go for you and see whats its about just tell her to at least listen to the voices there she may wake up if not it may not be worth staying around her let her know that.

You don't need to completely abandon her, that wouldn't do either of you any good. It would hurt her, possibly causing her to spiral out and harm herself, and it would also work to make you feel guilty, you obviously care about this woman and you wouldn't want to see her harmed.

So what can you do? You can't force her to do anything she doesn't already want to do, and you can't make her feel anything she doesn't already feel. You want her to lose her attachment towards you so perhaps limiting your contact with her would be helpful. Find something to make you busy and allow her time to work out problems by herself. Give her a chance to learn that she can be independent.

You may be tempted to run off to help her when she calls you with problems, but try to avoid this. You don't need to be her hero - you CAN'T be her hero. I assume you know her well and so you will know when she really needs you and when she will be fine working out problems on her own. Use good judgment.

Do not feed her attachment, but that doesn't necessarily mean abandoning her. Give her good advice and try to find out what motivates her. Do your best to put her on the right track through your example and advice.

She may be hurt by the fact that you are trying to distance yourself, but this will pass, and she will begin to see you as a stable positive influence without judgment and without any dependence.

Good luck.